Saturday, February 26, 2005
today was totally f'up for me. i was bluffing myself to tnk i'm alright n tt i'll b happy. but no! hell no! who m i kidding? i HATE being sick and i dun like today. i'm totally unhappy! if only Charles were here, thgs cld haf been better. instead, it's mr short-fart n mr directn-error. short-fart probably can't take the fact tt he's not our coach anymore cuz he's acting "genius" agn! the other one shld jus stick to his profession n stop lecturing us, stop demoralising us, and (hell) stop insulting my ex-coach! only Charles and him alone can lecture us.. i dun need wannabes! *screams* i shld have known this will happen agn.. when i wasn't sick, they're jus too dependant tt i'm there. i have to cover up their mistakes n screwed up passes they give to me! they dun even call me when they wanna pass to me, they crowd near me, i cant read their mind, i'm not psychic u know, n suddenly some push was supposedly their pass to me... so confused. today it happened agn. i alr can't take it when i'm healthy, wad more can i say when i'm sick? it's not like they dun know me.. i'm not Dash, i can't abandon my position n take urs just cuz u went missing. i'm sick and tired of telling.. telling 'em that i dun like it when they do that. but they nv listen. jus cuz i'm younger? it's not fair. none takes my words seriously.
if only Charles were there...
only he can motivate me.
i wanted to just walk out of the pitch. i was very pissed, n i cldn't stop coughing. i was falling sick agn. but i saw den, she nv seem to give up, i knew she's alr got her hands full, i just had to stay to help her at least. but it's hard when nobody understands tt i need support. no communication, no nothing! i didn't have a clue wad was happening back there. i only see pple running aimlessly, any form of organisation forgotten. i'm really not used to it.
i really miss my team.
couldn't take it. didn't wanna go for the 2nd half. but when i saw den by herself, others still in disorder, i felt totally useless! if only i dun have this damn sickness! i so wanted badly to go back in.. but i decided to observe. den had to do everythg.. y wasn't anyone responsible for wad they were supposed to do? their only mentality is to pass to den or me.. we're not pushing balls, we're pushing responsibility. i dun like that one bit. esp not when i'm sick n tired of the same mistakes commited over n over n over n over n over agn.....
i'm so USELESS.
stupid taxi driver! the cab stopped a dist frm where we were flagging. so chow walked towards the cab, he moved in front then stopped, chow had to go back. the words he spoke, nobody understood. he drove in frnt agn n stopped. chow cursed "ta ma de", the driver got off the cab n lectured us! dumped the keeper bags in the boot. he purposely drove a longer way.. charged us $13!!! the speed he was moving... all the cars like zooomed pass us! and there's the sickening shuttle bus driver!!! i dun wanna say any more.... feel like vomitting, but the only thg i have is my gastric juices.. pain was unbearable, no food tt i can eat. my throat hurts.
thgs didn't go my way this wk.
projs, sick, screwed-up day.. wad's next? my o'lvl results?!!
tnk i wun be touching my stick till wed.
Lord, i really need you*
18:44